Don’t Forget to Ask “Why?”

The Journal of Consumer Research recently released a study concluding that people who become focused on how to achieve a goal may have a harder time achieving their aims than people who think abstractly about why they want to do something.

The authors of the study found that when people focus on concrete aspects of how a goal will be achieved, the person who is trying to achieve the goal becomes more close minded and less likely to take advantage of an opportunity that may fall outside of their plan. On the other hand, people who focus on the “why” are more likely to consider a new opportunity which could help them attain their goal.

This is not to say that forming a way to implement a goal is not valuable. It is. The study reveals that when people form “implementation intentions” they become overly focused on the specific details of the implemental plan and less focused on the overarching goal.

The mere knowledge of the outcome of this study may be helpful as you try to achieve your goal. Let’s say you recently discovered that you are pre-diabetic. Your doctor recommends an overhaul of your diet. Immediately, you shelve any and all white, refined flour. Day after day, you stick to your guns: no white, refined flour. What you don’t know is what your doctor may have failed to tell you: daily, moderate exercise may be an even more effective way to stave off diabetes. In comparison to someone who has not yet formed a plan for lowering their diabetes, are you more or less likely to add an exercise regimen?

While the authors may not have conclusive evidence to answer this specific question, they are likely to tell you that you may not value an ‘out of plan’ opportunity the same as you would your original plan. “Planning is more effective when people think abstractly, keep an open mind, and remind themselves of why they want to achieve a goal,” they write. In a sense, this seems counter-intuitive, as so much of goal-setting seems to be all about the ‘how’. Asking “why” may help you to stick to your intentions, especially as you face unexpected challenges. This helps all of us be our own life coach, answering the “why” as we move forward. The lesson learned here is to keep examining the role of your own mind-set as you pursue your goal. Otherwise, you may just be letting a good opportunity simply pass you by.

If any of you want to share your insights, let us know!

Inspired by oomphTV

I am a new fan of this oomph! blog site and I recently took the time to communicate with David Dowell about doing an article for all of you, his readers. I do like the man’s style.

As a Baby Boomer (and an all around nice guy) taking up space on our planet, I feel it is my obligation to maintain good health and a supportive positive attitude with all other earthlings I come in contact with. I think we owe that to each other. Life has it’s problems and, at times, life is not fair. But this life is a wonderful adventure that we can truly enjoy with the right frame of mind. Of course, a healthy body makes the adventure much more interesting.

I have become a steady visitor to this oomph! blog site because of the good information I can take from it. I have found health and wellness ideas that I have never heard of before. I now look at oomph! as my source of many issues that fly under the radar for most of us. I don’t know where David finds his material and, truthfully, I don’t care. I just know that I can count on this blog site to provide me with important ideas that I won’t take the time to find myself.

I do want to mention to you readers of oomph! another idea you need to consider as another component of health and wellness. Some where along the line similar ideas have probably been expressed in various posts on this blog. I’m referring to the need for each one of us to develop the habit of daily laughter. Author E.E. Cumming once said “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” Many people do not realize that laughing is very healthy for both your body and your mind.

Laughter creates positive changes in our bodies. It will boost your energy, help your immune system, and it will protect you from the effects of stress. Obviously, laughter will put you in a good mood. It will improve your relationships with family and friends.

So, you need to develop sources that will bring you daily smiles, grins, and chuckles. More importantly, find sources that will get you to laugh out loud. It’s well worth your time… and good for your health.

Phil McMillan
http://www.babyboomerbaloney.com

Alice and Richard Matzkin – The Art of Aging

We profile Alice and Richard Matzkin, a husband and wife team of artists, who explore aging through their art and gain aging acceptance along the way.

The Art of Aging-Alice and Richard Matzkin-oomphTV.com from oomphTV on Vimeo.

A Child Awaits

Now I am all set to meet my first child. Here is what happened since my last blog. Everyone who does this volunteer work with foster kids has to spend time helping with kids who are waiting to go to court. I shadowed a long time volunteer and escorted kids to court for hearings about their status – some had been there before and for some it was the first time. There are so many stories and the way that kids approach this ordeal is so different.

For instance, there were two sisters, one about nine, the other around 13.  They had been in the system for a while, living with an aunt. Through their social worker they told the judge that they didn’t want to see their adoption social worker (they were happy where they were) and they didn’t want to come to court next time (they are both good students and didn’t want to miss school). They seem to have adjusted to having been taken out of their home. On the other side of the spectrum was a boy, about 16, whom the judge had seen quite a bit. He had major attitude, wouldn’t talk, or even look at me as I brought him to the courtroom. The judge was angry with him for not going to summer school and was fairly blunt with him. Obviously, he hadn’t adjusted well. But is it his fault? Who knows what his situation is like.

I saw one family get their two girls back amidst merriment and tears. I met a 17-year old boy who had been in the system for about 8 years, knows he wants to be a massage therapist and seemed to be taking it all in stride.

After working with the kids, I went to see my supervisor to read about my first case. She had already explained over the phone that this is sort of an unusual – and difficult – case and asked if I would mind taking such a case. “We used to have a special group of volunteers for this kind of child,” she had said. Gulp…. Reading the files, I understood what she meant. This child, an eight-year-old girl had been in the system for a short time. Her mother was found wondering the streets, taking her two daughters from one short-term motel to the next. They were both sick when the social workers intervened and they were taken away from the mother. The mother had a long history of mental illness and had at times been catatonic. The father had a rap sheet – drug arrests, DUIs – two pages long.  The girl, my girl, had been at turns violent and defiant in the group home where she was brought and then quiet and non-communicative.

The girl, who was put into a residential therapeutic facility because of her behavior is on slew of psychotropic drugs and is still acting out. It is hard to know, at this point, whether the drugs are helping or hurting. That is part of my job, to try to sort that out. The rest of it is to make sure that the system is working for this child and doing the best for her that it can.

After that meeting, I switched gears and took my daughter to the east coast to look at colleges. New England was a riot of reds, yellows and oranges, with the changing of the leaves; and I savored this time… it is sort of strange how, as a parent, you help your child find the best place for her self so that she can leave. It is nothing if not bittersweet.

The weekend I came back to town there was an article in the Los Angeles Times about two foster children who had died. One committed suicide and the other was murdered. I don’t think they had a volunteer like me on their case. I found myself wondering if their lives would have been different if they had. And my resolve to help my girl turned to steel. A few days later, I met with my supervisor again. Now I am officially on the case and I need to start calling people. I’ll be back once I have met my child….

My Next Step

I’ve been a printed word person for most of my life…a writer,  journalist, editor. I have been a mother for 21 years, with kids occupying most of my brain and work the rest. The work came to a screeching halt with what seems like the end of journalism, and my second child is leaving for college next year. I am left with anticipation of a gaping hole in my life.

I saw the writing on the wall several months ago – I guess it doesn’t hurt that so many people from all walks of life are in my position in terms of work – an decided I needed to do something proactive. There was a list of possibilities: back to school (hmmm at 57, not sure about that), get a “job,” just any job (Starbuck’s barista – don’t know if I could handle the stress), volunteer work. I am lucky in the fact that my husband can support the family and the money I make from my freelance writing and edition is pretty much “extra”. I also have a fledgling literary agency www.hortonandgregory.com but that is also a casualty of the printed word and hasn’t brought in much money.

Volunteer work won out. I have volunteered for years and years in my kids’ schools, collected gifts for families during the holidays, worked at my temple, but (and I hate to admit this) I have never done any “hand-on” volunteer work on a long term basis. It was time. But what to do?

At first I thought that I would use my writing skills working as a mentor in the schools, but that seemed daunting. There is a mentor program for girls, Girls Write Now (www.girlswritenow.org), but that didn’t look like it would take enough time. I checked out LA Works (www.laworks.com), an aggregate volunteer organization with tons of opportunities some of which sounded like possibilities…meal service of the homeless, nightly activities with teens, food sorting for AIDS Project LA (www.apla.org) – but I wanted a long-term relationship to be part of my volunteer effort.

In the recesses of my mind, I remembered a friend who told me about volunteer work she had done that involved being an advocate for children who had been taken away from their parents because of abuse or neglect. She found it very rewarding and had forged a close relationship with one particular little boy. Sounded like it really fit the bill for me. So I looked into it. The program that I found had very intense training – 5 days for 8 hours a day – but it started with a 2-hour information session. I could handle that.

In that session, I learned about all this work would entail – the volunteer is sort of a jack-of-all-trades for the child with whom she works. She makes sure that the child’s foster care placement is working, talks with the parents, the foster parents or group home, the therapist, the social workers, the school, etc. The more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became. It seemed like this program would use my interview skills, my innate compassion, and my intentionally-honed diplomacy skills.

I also learned in the short information session that this was, indeed, a large commitment. I had to vow to be able to see the child once a month for at least a year…that took a bit of thought. But ultimately I decided to sign up for this program. The woman presenting the information really helped me figure out that this was the right time for me – which wouldn’t be the case if I had decided I wanted to travel or look for a full-time job. So I signed up for the weeklong training, which was still months away, giving me time to back out.

I didn’t, I just got more and more excited as the date for the training got closer. My daughter was out of town at a pre-college program, so it was perfect. My son was staying near his college for the summer. So I had no responsibilities. I would be, in essence, a full-time working person (again) for about 5 days.

The classes were extremely enlightening, all about the foster care system, about the legal aspects of taking a child out of the home, how the system goes about getting them reunited with their families or adopted by another family and what my role would be in all of this. The job is to be an advocate for the child who is winding his way through the system, not a friend or a mentor.

The other people in the class, all ages, male and female (but predominately female) were from all walks of life – diverse culturally, economically and professionally. There were retired educators, a practicing pediatrician, students, stay-at-home moms. And, like me, they all wanted to touch at least one child’s life and make it better.

Now, a month after the class ended, I will have my chance. I just got a call last week about my first case. I am excited and nervous. Stay tuned, more to come.